I was watching Being Mary Jane (BET show), and a scene kind of "preached" to me. Mary Jane was calling an old "friend" to make sure they were in good standing, after some issues had transpired. At first, it seemed like she really wanted to make amends, stating how she really wanted the "old friend" to help her with some business opportunities, and wanted them to hook up. But then something shifted. She realized that the only reason why she was calling to mend things is so she could "save face." She decided in that moment to be brutally honest, and came clean that she was only using potential business promises to lure the "old friend" in for friendship, and that she had other prospects to consider on the business end. She was being inauthentic, hoping to lure "old friend" back in to make her feel better about herself and to hopefully change the "old friend's" view of her from past interactions. It was amazing how a light clicked on, and she came clean in that moment, deciding to keep it 100 as they say. The sermon? She no longer cared to misrepresent herself, for the sake of trying to impress or please someone else for some faux or pretentious friendship. She no longer wanted to have someone entertain HER from a superficial foundation. She no longer wished to lie or cover up to save face with someone who is going to think what they want to anywayyyy! *cue the organ. Have you ever felt like, maybe someone misunderstood you, or wrote you off from their perception? Did you want to go back to make sure it was clear what you were thinking, what REALLY happened, how you did really care, why you acted or reacted a certain way, or how you didn't mean something? Or did you want to back and take up for yourself, and tell someone how something made you feel? Do you find yourself struggling with how you and an "old friend" mesh together? Or don't mesh? Or fake mesh? Yes, me too. But that was THEN. I've come to realize that, whoever is FOR ME, is FOR ME. If anything is/was misunderstood, but the opportunity isn't "right" to address it, say a prayer over it and let it go. Of course you don't get to hold stuff in and let it fester. So you can do one or ALL of a few things: journal about it, have a mock convo with the person(saying everything you would to them), have a convo with yourself (ask why it even matters, and why you feel what you feel), forgive the person/forgive yourself, say a prayer, and let it GO. There may be an opportunity for a conversation in the future, but don't worry about it now. And if you're on the other end of the spectrum, where someone wants to hash and rehash some minor details that really don't matter in the grand scheme? You have a right to say no. I'm reminded of a few conversations I've entertained, where someone is looking to blame or bring up old stuff they never mentioned before. I'm reminded of times where I felt misunderstood, where I've chosen to explain my intentions to someone I felt should KNOW. I'm recalling times where someone felt the need to come back over and again to explain something, hoping to regain their position. And I say that day is over. *cue the organ! Lolol Either we love each other or we don't! Life is too short to spend energy explaining or listening to someone explain when you both know your intentions are good. For some conversations, it's just a little "too late," and isn't worth the energy. Sometimes, you can just let it go, and move on in love together. Sometimes, it's just over. Period. That's when you realize that the persons energy doesn't belong in your space, or that you may be a misfit for a particular space. Iffff the opportunity presents itself, maybe you can build something new, on a fresh foundation, but the old is over. No more hashing! I'm spending my energy on building my NOW. I've released the past, and what whoever thinks about me ain't NONE of my business!
Ooh! And as a bonus: don't reach out because you feel like you "should" or to keep the communication open to prove yall are still "cool." At that point, you're trying too hard, if it's not authentic. Essentially, don't do what really isn't authentic. I don't care what they're going through, if it's fake, because you want to make it seem like yall still have a "bond?" Lol it was dead before you even did it. Love from a distance always works. Love and prayers FROM A DISTANCE are just as effective. I don't have to send a "thinking of you" if it's not real... Just to make you feel better or ME feel better because I'm being a so called decent person! Lol I'm laughing because... Just because... If you get it, you get it. Xo