Not sure if you're in a similar place, but I find myself growing and changing, ebbing and flowing, and deciding what/who belongs in my sacred space. I've been dealing with myself and challenging myself... Well, the challenges come as a result of my openness to processes. Oh trust, it's not all pretty. But it's oh. So. Motherfreaking. Good. One concept that I'm grasping is self-worth and confidence, on a trillion(to the trillionth degree). It's so interesting to think you're confident until you start peeling off layers and dealing with "you." It's interesting how we confuse being in control with confidence, being loud with confidence... I don't want to get ahead of myself here, but I've been learning SO much! It has been interesting to realize a "love myself" campaign is appropriate and in order, when I didn't really know there was any need. I suppose it's because I've always been in a class of my own. People tell me or have told me over the years, for instance, how only I can pull off certain fashion efforts (which, hasn't always come across as a complement lol). I've been praised for not caring what people think,for being the one that is unafraid to walk when things and people no longer serve me. I'm the one that treats myself, spends time with myself... I've taken myself to Paris, Tokyo, Vegas, etc... I never had issues dining by myself, drinking by myself (tea or otherwise), dancing with myself in a club FULL of "other," partying with myself... my best mate, bud, and dance partner. But, those things are so LOUD. The clothes, the travel, the dancing. Oh, and they're always amazing in that they celebrate "me." But those things, those loud things, are just representations of the real me. The true me. The one I get to deal with and talk to when it is QUIET. When I'm not moving. When I'm not posting on some social media outlet, or surrounded by all things LOUD.. friends, parties, designer labels, handbags, laughter, acceptance, validation, promotion, complements. Do you get where I'm going with this? LOUD=External. Loud=how many "friends" you have... Loud=how many "likes" you get. And while I'm on it, social media is the loudest. It is social media that often creates the most issues in terms of avoiding the quiet, and also in terms of the lies, the facades, the comparisons... On social media, the more flashy, the more "beautiful", the more confident, funny, wild, popular, trendy, connected, rich, or "ratchet" you appear, the better... The more fairytale, the most likes... Posts of privates jets.. Or travel... Of wedding engagements and of "a good man will... And of dear future wife" posts. It's certainly not all bad, this social media thing that I'm a part of, but I wonder how many people that are being so loud, are truly confident and truly OK when things get quiet? Furthermore, how many people are trusting the "LOUD" they see, creating a standard based on the LOUD they see, when it could ALL be a lie. On a fundamental basis, the comparisons occur, where you wish you were as pretty, as thin, as curvy, had as many friends as, knew celebrities like, had connections similar to, and had the income, the business sense or successful business as.... Them. Particularly in relationship comparisons, we want what matches the loud posts... The flowers, the trips, the "I said yes," the #wcw, the #mcm, and so forth and so on. This post isn't entirely dedicated to social media and its "LOUD", but social media certainly represents the LOUD that we hear that causes us to question ourselves and our position in the world, as well as the LOUD that we create so that we don't have to hear, well, the silence. When will this post turn around to the hope? lol Ah yes, here it is. Back to me. Back to us if you're on the same page. What I've been working on, investing in, is a QUIET confidence. Confidence that is internal and works its way OUT, versus external that works its way in. Confidence that needs no validation. Quiet confidence knows what label she is wearing and won't post it, even if it'll get a lot of likes (there's that darn social media reference again). Quiet confidence doesn't have to make something seem pretty to make others feel good about a "less than perfect" situation. It doesn't have to make someone believe in a non-existent fairytale of a perfect relationship (oh, we're good), a perfect life with perfect finances and perfect peaceful posture at all times. Quiet confidence is being vulnerable with those that can handle it, those that are worthy, and sometimes with a total stranger... Yep! Total! Because quiet confidence knows that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. Quiet confidence is knowing that you are SAFE... to be honest, to be soft, to slow down, to connect, to BE. Quiet confidence is gentle. Sweet. Has nothing to prove. Quiet confidence is truly built during quiet times. When you're listening. When you're talking yourself through some things. When you're processing. But it doesn't stop there. Quiet confidence is a set up for external manifestation of dreams and visions. It sets you up for healthy relationships and healthy communication with others. It is what diminishes your comparisons with the LOUD people. It is what stands one upright and firm, when something makes NO sense to your loved ones and when considering the common thoughts and status quos of the day. Quiet confidence will help you create and maintain YOUR reality and personal fantasy and fairytale that YOU get to create based on NO ONE else's standards and expectations. The "a man is supposed to," and the "a real woman is," dissipates, as quiet confidence trades in those concepts for a unique, wonderful experience. Quiet confidence is how you build and maintain your JOY, your PEACE, no matter WHO is around. Quiet confidence doesn't brag or boast, but doesn't need to hide, or be afraid to shine. You don't have to be flashy or extra to be validated, to get attention. There is nothing worse than the person that you KNOW is naturally quiet, being extra LOUD to fit in/be clear. To be clear, there is NOTHING wrong with a LOUD celebration.. of self, of life, of family, of friends, of promotion, of growth, etc. When you dance, I hope you dance HARD, and laugh out LOUD. And I hope you board as many private jets in your Valentino to every country and continent your dreams will allow. I hope you get the love you want, need, and deserve. I hope you start that business, complete that program, finish that work, cut that album, and so forth and so forth... I hope you do your missions, serve the less fortunate, and give to charity. I hope you open your heart to truly forgive and let go, and give second chances. But above it ALLLLL, I hope you remember to build your quiet confidence.. a confidence that is REAL and true with self, that when the LOUD clears, there is a trusting that things are working for your good, a knowing that you - stripped all the way down - are enough, and a belief that all is well and will be well.
With Lili Wilson